Baby Fever

I have had baby fever like a motherfucker this last year. It has been non-stop. I have had this desire to have a baby stronger than I ever have before, stronger than I did when I was married. Part of me wonders if I am subconsciously trying to hurry and do this because I don't have much time before I am incapable of reproducing.

You know how you notice a specific car make when you are about to buy one or just did? It's like that. Seriously. I notice every baby and child around me, it's like radar goes off and I immediately ooh and aah. It's almost past the point of control and my poor boyfriend sure is hearing it.

Baby stores? Forget about it. I know better than to go in. I'll just walk out bummed. And then I'll see all my friends' babies on Facebook and wish and wish and wish.

I have always wanted to have kids. Always. One big reason is because I know I'd have some awesome children and the also because I think I'll be a kick ass mom.

And maybe it's a good idea to not use the word motherfucker in a blog about children. I think it's time to work on my potty mouth.

I like orange.

So I'm back. I abandoned this blog and although no one noticed and no one reads, I feel like I should introduce myself again.

I'm Alie.

I'm 26 and very easily amused. I live with my boyfriend and our dog, Bucko. Bucko is special.

I love to laugh. I talk about laughter a lot. It's one of the best things in the world, next to cuddling. The only thing better than laughing is laughing with someone else.

I'm insanely sentimental.

I have one sibling, a sister that is 4 years younger than me. She is just as crazy as I am and we have a lot of fun when we're together.

Impulsive is my middle name.

I am obsessed with music. I am fortunate to have a music loving father that introduced me to my favorite bands and goes to more indie concerts than I do. If I am not listening to music I am singing in my head. I have been in one band and want to eventually sing in another.

My Dad is my hero. I am exactly like him in many different ways.

I'm terrified of horses, heights and airplanes.

I smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes a day, for 13 years. I quit November 9, 2008. It's one of my biggest accomplishments and was one of the largest hurdles I ever had to get over.

I have had two surgeries and a divorce in the last year and I would rather double the surgeries than go through something as horrible as divorce again. I never realized how physically and emotionally draining it is. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. It doesn't matter if you're not in love, broke up a long time ago or have moved on. The situation still weighs heavy on the soul and it is far from easy. Every day I try to figure out a new way to live my life productively and positively. I'm not sure I'll ever get married again. I don't feel I need to be married to commit to someone. I don't know if it's as important as I once thought it was. Part of me hopes I'm proved wrong.

I love to love and I am loyal.

I spend a lot of time in my kitchen, on my iMac. I am obsessed with photography and I spend a lot of time either looking at or editing photos on my computer.

My favorite animal is the sloth. No one ever gives them a hard time about being slow and lazy.

I love adventures and sushi. I am currently a big fan of the color orange, but that could change tomorrow.

My favorite movies are Step Brothers and Amelie. My favorite singer is Elvis Costello.

I love anything miniature. Miniature pencils, Tabasco, horses... everything.

I take multi-vitamins every day.

So there's a few things. I'll add things as I remember them, as I am a pretty random person and have a new obsession ever week.

Inappropriate, even for me.

When I started my current job, I thought having an old 65+ year old hippy of a boss was cool. Doing accounting in a boat yard is fun most of the time. There are old sailors with unbelievable stories and foul mouths. One customer has a parrot on his shoulder every time I see him and makes comments about kidnapping me and sailing away.

I have a pretty good sense of humor, you have to in a place like this. My favorite thing in the world is laughter. I'm not easily offended and usually I don't mind being the butt of a joke. The thing about my job was that even though we joked amongst ourselves about sex and booze, we were still professional... or so I thought.

Some personal rules:

1. It is not OK to show me your bra by lifting up your shirt or flash me your underwear in the office, although you think wearing a skirt entitles you to do that.
2. Saying "Move your big fat ass" does not make me want to move and is therefore an ineffective way of communicating of your need to get past me.
3. I don't want to hear stories about your one night stands in Washington DC 40 years ago. Sorry.

Back to work.

Don't touch me.

If I don't know you, please don't touch me. Please. It's not personal.

Now... I understand that you might think tattoos are cool. I myself enjoy looking at tattoos.

Yes, they hurt. Yes, they were expensive. No, I did not give you permission to touch or caress my arm just because you've shown interest on the permanent coloring I've added to my arm. It took about 8 years. No, it was not done in one sitting. See, it's not so much that I can't handle answering those questions (although I get them 2-5 times a day), it's that when a random stranger asks them while feeling on my arm I want to either kick them or run from them. Think about it. It's creepy.

In the event you are trying to be my friend, a simple "hello" is a good way to start a conversation. I like people and I might like you. If you make me laugh we could potentially become BFFs.

If you are a "toucher", please think about your actions a little more. You could be freaking people out and not even know it. Do you really want to be thought of as "that creepy man or woman"?

Please don't touch me.

hello and welcome.

I hate Phil Collins. But never fear, this entire blog is not dedicated to my hatred of the little man. You will, however, occasionally read something negative about the little shit. If this offends you, leave now, as we were never meant to be friends.

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